I miss running

I miss it so painfully I could cry.  Waking up before the sun, grabbing my dog and iPod, and sweating profusely.  It cleansed me, primed me for the day, kept me slim and focused.  I know those days will be back very soon, but right now I wish I could check my belly for an hour each morning, get out there, and give my mind and body a good road run.  For now, lunch break trips to the elliptical will have to suffice.

I miss after a run: the way breakfast tastes and the soreness in my hamstrings and hips.

I wonder if Mae will be a runner too.

Mother's Day gifts for expectant moms

How is your Mother's Day?  This is by far the most relaxing Mother's Day I will enjoy for a while.  My baby may be active, but she's still in my belly and welcome to party away.  I, in the meantime, enjoyed sleeping in and a big breakfast and TV time.  Having said that, I cannot wait to meet our daughter.  The nursery is not ready and there are a lot of things still to do, but when I think about the smells and snuggles of a newborn baby, I get so excited!  Thinking about my little Pumpkin Muffin is the sunshine of every day.

To all the moms out there, enjoy your special day!  I hope your partner and kids are spoiling you rotten.

This week, Time magazine decided to feature an article about Attachment Parenting with a very pornographic photo of a sexy model nursing her 3-year old child.  The headline is a smack in the face to mothers around the world: "Are You Mom Enough?"  So here are my two cents: I admit it, I used to judge.  I used to have all the mothering solutions in the world.  Then I got pregnant and realized there's only one thing about mothering I do know: if you love your child with all your heart and do your very best to secure their health and happiness, you are absolutely mom enough.  And those of you who judge: please find something else to do with your time.

Now to the fun part of this post.  I've been meaning to post my pregnancy essentials list for a while now, and am finally getting to it.  These aren't in order of priority.  I would say that fitness, vitamins, and hydration are equally important.

• Rich lotion or oil.  Around week 13, I started slathering up my belly, hips, and lower back after every shower.  There's no evidence to support that moisturizer prevents stretch marks, but as of yet I don't have any.  Lotion will keep your skin nice and supple to help prevent itching as it starts to stretch.  I've been using two different types: Burt's Bees Belly Butter and Palmer's Cocoa Butter.  The Palmer's is much cheaper, but it's also greasy.  I use it at night.  The Burt's Bees is not oily at all, so it's perfect if you don't want your clothes to get greasy.  Bonus: slather your decollete and watch any fine lines and wrinkles disappear!  I plan to keep using my belly butter after Mae comes.
• A good, 32oz BPA-free water bottle.  Drink at least four of these a day and enjoy not swelling too much.  I recommend Nalgene bottles, as they are cheap (you can pick up one at Target for about $7), and practically indestructible.  Your bottle doesn't have to be stainless steel or glass (unless the snotty looks from that mom with the fancy Sigg bottle at the doctor's office bothers you).  Or if someone who loves you gets you a fancy schmancy water bottle.  I am definitely a fan of glass, but I've also gotten kind of preggie-brained and clumsy.  If you don't tend to drop things like I do, a large Mason jar (used and cleaned pasta sauce jar) is the perfect free glass water bottle.  
• Sleep.  Get as much as you need, it's important!  I have moments where I feel like I should start getting used to being sleep deprived.  Then I realize that's ridiculous.  Right now, my growing baby benefits from the sleep I get.  I stay sane with the sleep I get.  And, I can sleep.  So, get it while you can.  Too bad pregnancy doesn't come with a license to Sleep Whenever Necessary.
• Clairsonic Mia face brush.  It's an investment, but less of an investment than two professional facial treatments.  Supposedly they last forever, you just replace the brush when it starts to get icky (about three times a year).  Using mine daily has resulted in virtually zit-free, radiant skin.  The preggie glow helps, but over the past few weeks I've noticed clogged pores and dull skin disappear.  Over time, this will save money and packaging formerly used on facial scrubs.
• If you work at a desk: a back rest and foot rests.  I have two foot rests, the standard foot rest you can order from any office supply catalog, and a box that's the same height as my seat.  Sitting gets uncomfortable, and elevating feet can take a lot of strain off of your lower back and feet.  It's also good for circulation.
• Fitness.  Whether it's a gym membership, yoga classes, or your neighborhood sidewalk, keep yourself active.  Find an accommodation for bad weather.  I'm lucky enough to work in an office park with a little fitness center, complete with very clean locker room.  A quick "jog" on the elliptical machine during a lunch break is wonderful for stress.  The weeks I'm more active (and well-hydrated) I feel about 80% better than lazier weeks.  To go along with your activity, get good shoes that will support the extra weight. 
• Good prenatal vitamins.  I know we're all on a budget, but this is not the time to skimp on your vitamins.  The money you would normally spend on wine and cocktails will no longer take up room in your budget.  For the price of a fancy sushi and saki dinner with friends, I purchased a trimester's supply of the "Cadillac" of prenatal vitamins.  After doing research on vitamin brands, I decided to go with New Chapter.  Their supplements are organic and GMO free, and completely food-based.  Their Perfect Prenatal has all the vitamins and minerals the baby and I need for a healthy pregnancy, except DHA fatty acids.  They are vegetarian and friendly on my stomach.  To get my healthy fatty acids, I eat omega-enriched organic eggs, chia seeds, and the Spectrum Organics vegetarian prenatal DHA supplement.
• Underwire-free nursing bras.  When you get to the point where your gals won't squeeze into the one-cupsize-up bras you bought, it's time to make the switch without regret.  They aren't the sexiest in the world, but they are so comfortable, especially on the coattails of too-snug bras.  Target sells some good brands for a decent price, and watching sites like amazon.com and destinationmaternity.com can result in a few bargains.  Remember, though, you'll be wearing these bras through the duration of your pregnancy and the time that you're nursing, so it's a worthwhile investment.
• Hanky Panky panties.  They are one size fits all.  I had five pairs that I've collected over a few years.  They are super low rise, so they still fit comfortably with no muffin top.  Knowing I have cute undies on really helps offset the awkwardness of maternity clothes and the extra weight.  They are sexy, lacy, girly, and when washed in a mesh lingerie bag and hung to dry they last a long time.  The crotch is a nice, sturdy 100% cotton to keep you cool and dry.  These are a bit of a splurge, so start dropping hints with your partner and close girlfriends who are wondering what to get you.  Or, put back a dollar a day for two weeks and go to Nordstrom's and treat yourself.

I'm getting verklempt... talk amongst yourselves

I have had a number of humbling experiences in my life.  Here are just a few:

• Running a marathon
• Being let go from a job
• Being called out for bratty behavior
• Disappointing my parents/boss/husband/friends/etc
• The moment I knew I was in love with Bret

There are good humbling moments and bad ones.  Marathons are emotional and painful, but that humbling is good.  It breaks you down to nothing so you can rebuild your spirit and keep going.  It is cleansing, cathartic.  When I knew I loved Bret, I knew I would love him forever.  I knew that there was someone in this world that mattered more to me than anyone ever had before.

Now I am a Mama.  This is crazy humbling.  My body is growing a little life.  And during moments when I wish I could throw back a beer, have brie on toast, or have the energy to do everything I could do before, I try to remember this.  That right now, my job is to grow a baby.  My time, love, and self-care are devoted to the upcoming birth of this child.

Speaking of humbling... on Thursday, we find out whether it's a boy or a girl.  Either way, the baby's name will start with an M.  So the bee's grandpop has started calling our child Baby M.

I Dream of Eating

I wrote this post sometime around week 14 (six weeks ago).

For several weeks, I thought being pregnant meant that my relationship with food would be on a 9-month hiatus.  I kept running into road blocks with my favorite dishes.  Because of one ill-timed soup I made, greens, soyrizo, and sometimes soup in general turn my stomach.  A lunch during the early preg haze has turned me against Torchy's avocado tacos, a meal I adore.  It was depressing.

Then after those weeks, passed, I noticed that I was craving certain things.  I now have a pantry and desk drawer stocked with new favorites: nuts, brown rice crackers, canned and dried fruit, and Preggie Pops.  I discover that not only am I not afraid of vegetables, but I love a crispy romaine salad topped with crunchy raw veggies and tart dressing.  I dive into a bowl of fresh cut raw veggies with abandon.  I can eat an entire carton of grape tomatoes in a sitting.

And...  Sometimes, I dream about food.  Usually it's not healthy.  My food dreams have included the following foods: pizza, doughnuts, unagi eel sushi (ew), cheese enchiladas, and ice cream.  And I wake up ravenous.  Pregnant hunger is, I've learned, a force to be reckoned with.

There is movement

It happens the most when I've just eaten...  the baby moves in little flutters and occasional kicks.  It started somewhere between week 14 and 15.  The frequency is picking up!  I'm sure that in a couple of months I will be tired of all the movement, but for now, it's magical.

A Bun in the Oven

It's a new chapter in life: I'm expecting a baby! At 17 weeks along, I'm feeling pretty good.

Before I got pregnant, I had a list of questions.  I've received answers to the questions from friends and loved ones in the past, but the truth is, everyone and every pregnancy is different.  Now, I can provide answers of my own. 

1.  What does it feel like to be pregnant?
Tried, queasy, boob hurty, emotional, wonderful, scary - a little bit of everything.  It doesn't feel like anything you have ever felt in the past.  Oh, and bloaty.  You will look twice as pregnant at night as you do in the morning.  No one told me that and it freaked me out!

2.  How bad was the nausea?
It was awful for me for one week.  I was literally sick all hours of the clock.  I managed not to throw up, probably because in my opinion throwing up is one of Life's Most Horrible Bodily Functions, and because I ate a lot of saltines.  I switched prenatal vitamins and saw instant relief.  It was about three more weeks before general "icks" and "queasies" went away. 

For me, the fatigue was a lot worse than the nausea.  It is a kind of fatigue normally only brought on by taking too much Benadryl, or lots of Tylenol PM.  You run out of steam very fast.  Fortunately, it gets a little bit better when you get to the horizon of the second trimester.  Now, it's a lot better, but I still poop out easier than I used to.

3.  What do you do when you find out you're pregnant?
Here's what I did:
- Took about ten additional tests, from several different brands
- Told my hubby
- Freaked out
- Cried a little
- Started a new prenatal vitamin, stopped alcohol, limited caffeine
- Three days later, made an appointment with the doctor, who I saw at 7.5 weeks

4.  What do you crave?
This is most definitely different for everyone.  I'm not having too many cravings these days.  I just love to eat, but I still love fruit.  Here's a list of my craving culprits:
-BBQ sauce, especially smothered over Quorn cutlets in a sandwich
-Cheese
-Fresh fruit, especially pineapple, kiwis, strawberries, and plums
-Lime flavored Topo Chico
-Dr. Pepper
-Doughnuts (I actually dream of doughnuts)
-Bahn Mi (thanks to Food Network)
-Yummy mayonnaisey sandwiches
-Mac and cheese
-Tuna salad
I had Dr. Pepper once.  It was a Dublin Dr. Pepper, the little bitty bottles, and it was delicious.  And since that initial craving I haven't wanted it again. As far as doughnuts are concerned, I had a stale one a few weeks ago and that banished the craving almost instantly.

6.  Can you exercise?
Ask your doctor before you head out the door for a jog, but most probably, yes.  Sadly, running kind of stinks for me because I don't like the impact of it.  But I love to walk, hike, and cycle.  Spin class is my favorite hard-core cardio workout, and I really enjoy a weekly hike with my co-workers in the very hilly neighborhood behind my office.

7.  Words of advice?
Take care of yourself!  Want to be Superwoman?  Guess what, you're making a baby.  That is pretty darn super (I'm telling myself this right now, too).  Rest, get manis and pedis, hire a house cleaner if you can, and take naps.  Exercise if you can, it really does help!  Eat healthy foods that you enjoy.  Don't eat too much refined sugar.  And - treat yourself to occasional indulgences (pain au chocolat, pimento cheese, pad thai with tofu...)

And, pamper they skin: you will start to look like a teenager again.  Treat yourself to fantastic exfoliants and great skin care.  Skin care regimens can be simple: I cleanse my face with Castille soap.  I got a face scrub brush which really clears out those clogged pores, and witch hazel is a great, cheap astringent.  Get yourself some shea butter and cocoa oil, mix them together and slather your entire upper body to get that skin supple for lots of growth and itching.

Resolutions

I love New Year's resolutions, as they are profoundly indicative of humanity's innate desire for goodness.  Over the years, I've done the same thing I think a lot of us do: put together an unmanageable list of expectations and manage to maybe knock a few things off of the list, then neglect the stragglers.  In the spirit of a simpler 2012, here are my resolutions:

<li>Simplify.  I often take on more than I can chew: too many projects, too many groceries, too many to-do lists.  What really needs to be done and what can be done easier?  Ambition is a wonderful thing, but eventually one must learn to set one's own expectations.</li>
<li>Write more.  This goes on the list every year and is something I do not take enough time to do.  Specifically, write poetry.  Even if it's horrible.</li>
<li>Learn to say no.</li>
<li>Volunteer, once a month, at an activity to help the community.  I donate a lot, but I don't actually do enough to help those in need.</li>